im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
