There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
