Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
