the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
