I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize