i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
