ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My first STD was from a foam party
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
