My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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