You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My first STD was from a foam party
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
