can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
