that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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