The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
