The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
