saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
