The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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