worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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