Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize