i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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