I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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