Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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