You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
