Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
