The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
