I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
