so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
