You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize