My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
