I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
