So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
