I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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