my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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