I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
birth control should be required to get into college
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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