Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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