Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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