Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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