Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize