i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
