I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
ttyl tear gas
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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