we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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