my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
