I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
