man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
