You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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