Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
