If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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