I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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