she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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