I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
