Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
