Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
