i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
