woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
