We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
