I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
