Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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