well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
