Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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