The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
