I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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