I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
