Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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