Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
