I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
