this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
