she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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