who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
