I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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