The maid of honor just puked.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
