i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize