I want to make a zoo with you.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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