I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
