I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
