how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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